that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
