you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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