I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
