he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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