What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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