He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
