He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
