I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
