So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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