we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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