Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
