I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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