where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
