dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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