literally had 100 drinks last night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
