Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
