Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
