I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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