This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
