So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
