Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
