I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
