Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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