I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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