Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
