How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
