Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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