i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize