I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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