weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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