I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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