if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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