Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
