it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
