I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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