I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
