Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
