I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
