question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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