Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
