k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
