The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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