I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
