Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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