He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
