time to smoke my breakfast
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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