It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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