What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
