cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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