"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
