hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
