I feel like abortions should bother me more
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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