i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
