Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
