She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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