how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize