its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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