youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
