ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
