What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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