Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize