I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize