I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Panties = found
Randomize
