My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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