my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
