I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
