question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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