i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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