was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
