I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
