I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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