Small penises have feelings too.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
