I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize