return my video game
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
