I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
